Expat divorce and child custody in Japan?

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  • #5029
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi there everyone,

    I was just writing this post to see if anyone could share their knowledge of divorce and custody of children in Japan?? My fiance is Japanese and used to be married to a Japanese woman until a few years ago. They had a son whom lives with his mom in Japan while we live in New Zealand. I struggle to understand why in Japan there is no concept of “shared custody”. It cuts me up to see my love miss his son so much yet not allowed to go see him and expected to cut all ties from him even though the break down to the marriage took two to tango.

    Furthermore, Im expected not to ask questions about his son. I know both of us are excited about settling down with each other and having kids. Im excited to have his children yet even though we are engaged I still find it hard to accept he has a son, for what reason Im unsure. Jealousy? Envy? I really dont know. If the opportunity arose and my fiances son came to live with us I would love him and take care of him as my own but in the mean time does anyone have any suggestions to get over these difficult feelings? Its not a feeling I have ever felt before. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can anyone enlighten me with their knowledge of divorce and custody in Japan?

    #4571
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi there everyone,

    I was just writing this post to see if anyone could share their knowledge of divorce and custody of children in Japan?? My fiance is Japanese and used to be married to a Japanese woman until a few years ago. They had a son whom lives with his mom in Japan while we live in New Zealand. I struggle to understand why in Japan there is no concept of “shared custody”. It cuts me up to see my love miss his son so much yet not allowed to go see him and expected to cut all ties from him even though the break down to the marriage took two to tango.

    Furthermore, Im expected not to ask questions about his son. I know both of us are excited about settling down with each other and having kids. Im excited to have his children yet even though we are engaged I still find it hard to accept he has a son, for what reason Im unsure. Jealousy? Envy? I really dont know. If the opportunity arose and my fiances son came to live with us I would love him and take care of him as my own but in the mean time does anyone have any suggestions to get over these difficult feelings? Its not a feeling I have ever felt before. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can anyone enlighten me with their knowledge of divorce and custody in Japan?

    #5030
    Anonymous
    Guest

    The parent with custody has complete control over visitation rights. That’s that.

    Again, if you are a Japanese man getting be prepared for the worst. If you are a gaijin with kids, NEVER get divorced in Japan.

    #5031
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You have to accept that yout fiance is a ‘batsu-ichi’ (once divorced) and has a history before you which includes kids. Being jealous about something you have no control over is a waste of energy, and its only natural that he will have feelings for his kids. You are not really competing with his kids as they are out of the picture. Its much harder when they are living with you and you are competing with them for his attention.

    To the son you will always be the stepmom or ‘substitute’ mother though he has his own birth mother. He would have to deal with the fact that his parents have divorced and remarried to other people.

    BTW on a Japanese divorce paper there is a line where parents have to choose who gets custody. In 90% of the cases its the mother unless the husband can prove his wife is an unfit mother. He cant see his kids unless his ex allows it and in a majority of cases its a complete split in the event of a divorce.

    #5032
    Anonymous
    Guest

    1 minute ago, GazGaijin said:

    The parent with custody has complete control over visitation rights. That’s that.

    Again, if you are a Japanese man getting be prepared for the worst. If you are a gaijin with kids, NEVER get divorced in Japan.

    You carry a great risk in Japan but at the same time its VERY difficult for a divorced woman to support herself with kids after a divorce and many women live in borderline poverty as they can not work full time while raising kids,

    Women here hold all the aces when it comes to getting kids but its usually the husband who earns the wages in the family and survives financially.

    PS A Japanese court may order a husband to pay alimony and child support but there is no punishment for not doing so. A large majority of Japanese men dont pay any child support, even though they can afford to pay.

    #5033
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Father’s children too.



    As for as I am concerned and in my experience Some Japanese can not, will not and never tolerate Gaijins having kids with Japanese and will do everything possible to clean and to demonize them.



    My ex/wife and I started to row in our first years of marriage ( mar rage) over the doctor prescribing drugs that made the kids more ill and our daughter became ill and lost her sense of hearing our son was in ICU after hours of being born because the doctor could not perform a natural birth he was the same doctor who told my wife she should abort two healthy twins because she is not allowed to have more than two children.other times we rowed about my time working and my time to rest and play with children she became distraught when i told her I can not work 7 days and 12 hours a day a then the inlaws were taking over and I felt I was being pushed into a slave working role.I had no Gaijin friends she did not approve.



    And then the friends pressure and then the Yamabushi (a guy who I thought was the NTT town pages rep who dealt with our eikaiwa ad) started doing arau

    shinto-budist shamanistic cleaning every month the parents paid 2man my ex told me I was possessed by the devil and the Yamabushi started to hit us with a stick to beat the devil out of me, then she joined an healing circle and a guy who claimed to have hand power was massaging the children sexually and then she made a plan to hide our money and gave her friend Kenneth John Adams100,000 USD who pretended to invest but gave it to his psychopathic wife.



    Then to top it all we were scammed by the Yaquza and lost our newly built house and 40.000.000 yen.



    I was forced to divorce because the police refused to investigate so I tried to do myself and my wife started to punish me again my demand to see the children I was arrested and fined and black listed and can not get a job.



    This is country where they call us Gaijin devils but they are possessed they have no morals they do anything for money.

    #5034
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Never get married or you wont get a divorce.



    Amazing how law controls marriage which is apparently meant to represent love which it doesn’t.



    As soon as you get married your own flesh and blood are at risk.



    For a person to take your own flesh and blood from you, due to the retardation of law, makes the ne with custody ill deserving and cruel. I would kill her because i wont be allowed to be with my kids for ever.



    Personally if my wife took custody of my kids and I couldn’t see them ever again, i would ruin her my way..



    Didn’t a previous previous Prime minister of Japan get custody of his kids when he divorced (yet hardly visited them ever anyway)?

    #5035
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Not all Japanese people are like that, it depends which part you live in. This doesn’t excuse how dodgy general legislation is towards us though.

    The Yakuza’s control the police. You must live in Tokyo or Osaka or a similar place. In those parts, gaijins are more common and thus irritation for them develops unfairly.

    You many foreigners who want to live in Tokyo because it looks fun and thats what japan is all about. You get the majority of idiot gaijins in cities like Tokyo and a portion of whom do menial Jobs and slutty jobs too. the perception of Foreigners in Tokyo is different to say like….Yamanashi or gunma.

    I can understand that what has happened to you is injustice and your wife is a pain in the ass and unless but I wouldn’t base your perception of j people on one area, just like your persecutors do.

    Some you mentioned, are filth.

    #5858
    Anonymous
    Guest

    I have some RMB that I don’t need to use right away. I’d been doing some A-share stocks until last month when I cleared all my holdings. I’m just wondering what I can invest with the money.

    I can’t buy real estate because I don’t work in Shanghai. I hate to put money in CD as its return is way below inflation. I’d appreciate if you guys can share your ideas.

    #5859
    Anonymous
    Guest

    A. I assume that you are a foreigner. If yes, then how come you can trade in A-share?

    B. If you are local (since you can trade in A-share), then why can’t you buy real estate in Shanghai?

    #5860
    Anonymous
    Guest

    This man he wants to make money, not burn money, so that’s why he refuses to buy real estate.

    I suggest you to play some foreign exchange, it is safer than any kind of A share or B share.

    #5861
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Also there are some structured products available at some of the banks (I know HSBC has, also many of the Chinese banks). These offer a better yields than CDs, but are tied to some kind of commodity index or equities so do involve additional risk obviously. Many are principal guaranteed so the downside is at least limited.

    Depends on how long you want to tie up your funds – but if fairly short term, your safest option is probably the boring 3 mo bank CD (which is regulated, so every bank offers exact same rate).

    But if you have over $3 mil USD equiv, which I doubt since you are seeking financial advice on this site, you would have a few more options…..

    #5863
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Boom? Well to be blunt, if you’re not aware of the financial meltdown in the stock markets since the beginning of the year and particularly yesterday, the stock market is not for you!

     

    #5864
    Anonymous
    Guest

    I would buy a managed China fund from abroad. I would not be picking individual Chinese stocks.

    #5865
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Also if you want to trade just the index and not individual shares then you can trade ETFs, exchange traded funds at any international broker. They trade just like shares so you don’t need to be a Chinese national. You will not have to pay any fund management fees that way. As I said above though, damn risky at the moment.

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